More Than Me
by elandlivforever36
Summary: What happens when Olivia threatens to leave Elliot, maybe for good? Can he talk her out of it? How will this change their relationship. Elliot's POV. rating may change for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

AN: Disclaimer. I do not own the characters in this story, they belong to Dick Wolf.

"Elliot, don't." she warned

I heard her but my body wasn't responding. I was seeing red and I couldn't control myself. I had that rapist pinned against the wall and I was just about to raise my fist to knock his lights out. I had barely moved before she warned me not to do it. I just froze. Her voice slightly snapped me out of it, but it wasn't enough. It usually was, but not now, not today.

Santiago snickered in my face and said "You're taking orders from that bitch?" I lost it. No one talks about my partner that way. No one.

I swung hard, and hit him square in the face, then landed three body shots before I felt my arms being pulled and held behind my back. Her arms were wrapped through my elbows, and she dragged me backwards out of the interrogation room.

"Jesus El. What the hell?"

"What do you mean, what the hell? He called you—"

"I don't care what he called me! How many times do I have to drag you out of one of these rooms? When are you going to get it? What happens when I'm not here to save your ass from a shitload of trouble with Cragen? What are—"

"Whoa, hold on. What do you mean when you're not here?"

"Nothing."

"Don't you dare lie to me Olivia!" Olivia? I never call her Olivia. It's always Liv, _my_ Liv.

"Elliot, it's nothing serious right now, okay? But it's been 11 years, how long can I really do this?"

"Liv…"

"I've got to go. Don't go back in that room. I'll tell cap to send Munch and Fin in. Later."

"Yeah, later." I said softly as she walked back to the pit to leave. I knew I had to cool down a bit so I went to go lift for a while.

I stood in front of her door for a few minutes. I didn't have a clue what I would say to her when I finally got the guts to knock. Then she opened the door, not surprised at all to see me standing there.

"Do you want me to close the door and pretend I don't know you're here to give you a few more minutes to think or do u want to come in?" she joked, but there was a sense of seriousness to her question. She took a step to the side, inviting me into her small, but cozy apartment. I nodded subtly and followed her to the couch. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice what she was wearing, until now. She had on a very low cut, fitted tank top and a pair of boxers. Her hair was still wet so she must have just got out of the shower, and she looked beautiful. I was shocked to realize that I was very jealous that she was wearing another man's boxers. I didn't know she was seeing anyone. I also didn't realize how late it had gotten until I noticed that she was ready for bed. It was quarter after one.

"Spit it out, El." Her voice was calm and it almost sounded like she was kidding, but I could see the pain and the confusion in her eyes.

"Fine. Do you plan on leaving?" I said, plain and simple. I wasn't going to beat around the bush. She was killing me and I needed to know what was going on with her.

"Yes," my heart dropped, "and I don't know for how long or if I'll even be back at all." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How is this possible? I have to stop this.

"Liv, please, can we talk about this?" I almost begged.

"I'm listening." That wasn't a good sign. She sounded like she had her mind made up already. This would be harder than I thought. I don't want to start a fight with her though, that will just drive her away.

"Why? Why are you doing this to me?"

"_To_ you? I'm doing this _for_ you!"

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I see the conflict on your face every time we look at each other. And I see the desire in your eyes every time we touch. And I also see you quickly cover that desire just as fast as it showed." Her voice was strong and even but I could see the tears building up in her eyes. She paused for a moment to see if I had a comment, but I couldn't think of anything to say, so she continued.

"Elliot, if I'm wrong, stop me now." She paused again but I just looked at her. She was 100 percent right and I wanted to hear what else she had to say. She looked down and finally broke eye contact.

"Elliot-" she began again but I cut her off.

"El." I corrected. I knew she was frustrated. She was trying to be serious and keep this conversation as professional as possible, but I didn't care. She had to know we were more than just work partners.

"El," she continued, "Look, I don't know if I can do this anymore. It's been 11 years and I can only take so much of this."

"You're not just talking about the job anymore, are you?" The look on her face told me I was right. But why is she mad, or angry, or upset with me all of a sudden?

"I need to know El. What's going on between us? Is this ever going to be more that just tempting looks and brief touches. Maybe you don't realize how I feel about you, maybe you just don't feel the same way, or maybe you know how I feel and you just don't care."

How could she think that I don't feel the same way? Maybe she is crazy after all. How do I tell her that I'm head over heels in love with her, always was and always will be? It's Kathy that I don't feel that way about, and I haven't for almost 11 years. Olivia isn't the one causing the conflict in me, it's the fact that I'm bound to Kathy.

"This, this right here is why I'm leaving." Her voice interrupted my thoughts.

"What the hell does that mean, Liv?"

"You're sitting there with the same conflicted look as usual. And it's just not good enough anymore. I don't want a half ass relationship. I don't want to have to deal with that."

"Half ass? Liv, nothing we ever do is half anything. How don't you see it? I love you more than I love my own life. I need you more than I need to breathe. If I didn't have kids with Kathy it would be so easy for me to leave her for you. I wouldn't even think twice. But I don't want to feel like I failed as a father. My kids mean everything to me, but so do you. _I love you._"

I hadn't been looking at her because I didn't want her to see the tears in my eyes, but when I finally looked at her, she was crying.

THE END (for now) Please review if you want more. This is my first fic, so please don't be too harsh, but let me know if there are any mistakes


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sadly, I don't own the characters… on a happier note, thanks sooo much for the reviews, I really appreciate it =) I tried to post this asap, but I'm having a bit of writer's block. If you have any ideas feel free to message me.

"Liv, baby, what's wrong? Hey, hey, come on, look at me." She's crying. Why was she crying? Did I say something wrong? I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt her, let alone lost her for good.

She shook her head, still looking at the floor. Why is she shutting me out after I just poured my heart out to her? I needed to see what her eyes would say that her lips couldn't. I lifted her chin so I could stare into her eyes again, but for the first time, I couldn't get a clear read. Maybe this was because she didn't know how she felt either. I think I saw _love_, but there was something else, maybe fear. But what did she have to be scared of? She has to know that I will always be right by her side, no matter what.

She sighed and opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Why was this so hard for her? Love should be the easiest thing in the world. What if I'm wrong, what if she doesn't love me and I just ruined everything between us?

"I don't really know what to say." She admitted, but she was still looking at me, a good sign.

"Say you love me." Simple, or so you would think.

"I don't know what love feels like, so how am I supposed to feel something that I don't know?" Another tear started to roll down her cheek, but I quickly wiped it away with my thumb. Then I did something I didn't expect. I moved closer to her and wrapped my arms around her small frame. I held on to her like my life depended on it, I knew my sanity did. She seemed a little reluctant at first but then I felt her arms around my back. And then I knew that she needed me just as much as I needed her, I just wasn't sure if she knew too.

"Do you feel that?" I whispered in her ear, still hugging her. "Do you feel how we fit perfectly together, like we're not meant to be anywhere else but in each other's arms? Do you feel your heart beat so fast it's like it just wanted to jump out of your chest? Do you feel like you never want to let go?" How do you describe love?

"Elliot, you know my mother never loved me. No one has ever truly loved me. And it scares me. It scares me to completely trust someone with everything about me, to show someone everything wrong with me."

"Liv, we already trust each other with everything, literally everything. Every day that we go to work, we face the possibility that it might be our last day. But knowing that your partner will do anything and everything to keep you safe, Liv, there's no greater trust than that. Why are you scared that if I know everything about you that I won't love you? Maybe I don't know all the details, that don't matter, I know enough, and I'm still here, aren't I? Your past makes you who you are, it makes you one of the best cops in the city. You think it makes you undesirable, but it just shows how strong you are. Not everyone could overcome the things you went through." I was sure that I had gotten through to her, but she jumped of the couch and walked to the far side of the room. Great, now what did I do?

She folded her arms across her chest and she looked uncomfortable, maybe even nervous. I got up and started to walk over to her, but she held her hand up, and I stopped.

"El, I think you should go." It wasn't mean, or angry, but she made it clear that there was no point in arguing. So of course, I fought her.

"Olivia, don't do this. Please, don't make me leave. How do I know you won't run from me again?"

"See you tomorrow." She quickly saw the skeptical look on my face and added "I promise." She gave me a small smile, and I flashed my crooked smile. As I opened her door, I looked back at her and said "I love you." I left, praying to see her in the morning.

What do you think? I know it's short, sorry.


End file.
